I hate to have to report this and I hate even more that it’s my reality, but it doesn’t appear I’ll be moving into accessible housing anytime soon. Of course I trust HaShem and hold out hope, but I was told to “make other arrangements” to have somewhere safe to stay.
It’s a long story, but it’s looking bleak. 80% of my belongings are packed. I was assured in writing that this move at the end of May was “definite,” but over the course of this afternoon is all unraveled. People involved are denying what they stated to me very clearly and despite over a dozen calls and a dozen more e-nails, no one is being straight with me.
I’m not sure what to do. Shelters aren’t accessible and have strict 90 day limits, I have no family nearby willing to take me in. I don’t even need somewhere accessible for the time being. I just need a room with a bathroom on the same floor. I have made do crawling for months now. Another fall, and I may end up in nursing care (or worse) after all.
They say they need to secure a SAFE place for me to live, but in the meantime I can remain in what is clearly evidenced as terribly unsafe and even dangerous?! I don’t understand.
I need a few days to try to figure things out. The mind f*cking I’ve been through has me worn down. I’ve never been more desperate and I have nowhere left to turn.
If I didn’t have HaShem, I wouldn’t have made it this far. I have no intention on giving up, but I need a moment to breathe. I’ve been made to feel that I don’t matter and this was truly my last shot. I’m terrified that my only option is a state nursing facility. What kind of life is that? I’ll be just 33 on Saturday and I may never get the chance to live independently. I don’t even know how to express what I’m feeling right now. Betrayed, lied to, unimportant, useless, hopeless, worthless… Do they realize how cruel this all has been?
All I know is I remember very clearly what was said to be and it can be denied, but I know exactly what I was told. I took notes! How would I imagine this up? Not to mention I have it reiterated by this person’s colleague in writing.
I’m so hurt and confused.