I just can’t

My left hip dislocated Friday and once it made it back into place, it wasn’t right. It still isn’t. In fact, just shifting weight to that leg makes me want to scream! I have 3 appointments this week, but I’m praying the pain will resolve. I haven’t canceled anything as of yet, but notified my therapist of my situation. On a normal day using my walker is quite painful, but I suck it up and do what I have to do. On a normal day, my unsteadiness mixed with pain makes me fear toppling over. I’m definitely not taking this risk. I basically hop to the bathroom and I will not do that in public!

This throws a major wrench in my plans. I was so happy to have completed many of the tasks I had on my list. I was confident I’d complete the rest by mid week. I’ll have to allow a little more time. At least I’m making my best effort.

I don’t like being pushed in my wheelchair, but what I dislike more is missing out on life. I’m not embarrassed of my disability. That’s the only conclusion I can come to. The people who would have to attend to me are embarrassed. I’d love to be in my power chair, getting around on my own, but my current living  situation does not allow me to do so. I’ve tried asking for assistance, but it has fallen on deaf ears and now just thinking about having to bring it up to my family makes me incredibly anxious. I wish for nothing more than to live safely and independently.

I can’t take being ignored or risk being treated like a burden. That hurts most of all.

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