I really cringe to share this, but I said I’d always be honest and open here, so here we go! I’ve been in so much pain that showering has been torture. I typically look forward to keeping all nice and clean and I sleep better when I am. I’m also mildly obsessive about being clean and washing my hair daily (I have to, my scalp will not allow any skipped days). I’ve been half dead with pancreatitis and I managed to wash my hair every single day through that illness.

Last night, my body wasn’t having it. In fact, I couldn’t even make the necessary trip down to the first floor. My dad brought me some veggie soup for dinner and I washed my body and hair in the upstairs bathroom sink. I have yet to make it downstairs today and I’m really debating whether or not to force it or just do my best like last night. Tough call. I feel gross not showering properly. It’s embarrassing saying I went a day without it even though I haven’t been out of my room. I feel uncomfortable, but my legs are so bad as it is. What if I fell or couldn’t make it back upstairs? This is a major dilemma.

I’m having new neuropathy issues, now in my hands and I have reason to believe there’s a tearing of a ligament in my hip. I should see my orthopedist, but my plate is so full with phone calls, letter writing and just making it through each day with pain and anxiety. I’m barely getting anything accomplished. Really, I’m barely caring for myself!

If public housing claims it is a first come, first serve situation, well, there has to be times where a person’s health and safety is taken into consideration. This is the time and I am that person. I’m told by social services that my current housing is unacceptable, but I don’t see them giving a damn about it. What do disabled persons without means do? Is this why we see so many people in wheelchairs on the street?

I’m hopeful things will work out to get me accessible housing as soon as possible, but I’m really scared that it won’t happen.

One thought on “Embarrassing

  1. Bless you, Zebra. I am so sorry about this. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1, CJB). Praying that Jesus would be just that– an ever present help in your time of trouble. ❤
    He is near.



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