Unfortunately, I’ve been unable to avoid taking rejection to heart and feeling unwanted by more and more people around me. No one owes me anything, but I can’t help but think I’d never let them down if the roles were reversed. It’s a difficult pill to swallow. I dared to come out from the shadows, just to find backs turned to me.
I haven’t slept more than a couple of hours at a time since returning, and I’ve only left the house to go to appointments. I don’t feel a desire to do much more than the bare minimum. A shower even feels like a chore. There’s a few people I could call, but I’m sure I’m not terribly pleasant to deal with at present. I feel alone and bored and have no desire or energy to do anything at all. Vicious circle.
I know I need to be surrounding myself with the encouragement that does exist and be prepared to fight in my battle for housing that is imminent. So much holds be back. Most of all, a strange feeling of certainty. Certainty that despite my most fervent pleas, no one will offer their help in getting me into a proper, independent housing situation. I hate to even have this as a thought. I feel as though I am jinxing myself by mentioning it here, but I have to tell someone. I feel unwanted and out of place as if I don’t belong in this world at all. I know I deserve a safe place to live, but I’m not sure anyone who can help cares or even notices