Sick or losing my mind?

It could be either one, or both! I’ve been having horrible headaches since Friday, my heart races more than usual and today the symptoms became alarming. I’ve had a transient ischemic attack (mini stroke) many years ago and the odd symptoms I had today match up. I’m still weak and shaky on one side, but the “attack” was just a couple minutes. I was confused, unable to speak and feeling weak. I’m m desperately trying to sleep, but the neuropathy in my legs is so bad that I’m having spasms. I’m just going to assume this is all a product of stress. I can’t be sick right now.

As you’ve probably already heard, I am still at home after completing a phone intake for a safe house that turned out to be handicapped UNfriendly. I felt awful all weekend and nearly talked myself into giving up for just a moment. I went to therapy today and called the nearby domestic violence organization again for the purpose of having someone talk me into still leaving. They were successful! The counselor I spoke with made some very valid points that I needed to hear. Unfortunately, there is still no room in their safe house. Ideally, I’d like to go into this program because it’s better suited for me and gives me the ability to still go to therapy and doctor’s appointments. I think this is a reasonable goal to wait it out for this placement. It’s not as easy as it would be for someone without some unique needs. If I was able-bodied and healthy, I’d already be gone.

I need a favor from you all: Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers concerning this particular safe house. I’m ready to go, I just need to keep calling until there’s a spot for me. I truly hope it will happen this week. On top of the physical symptoms, I am not doing well psychologically. To say I’m stressed out to the point of losing my mind is entirely accurate.

Thanks for helping me hang in there. As the counselor said today,  “no one is ever prepared to leave” and I have to accept that I’ll never be ready enough. It’s the time to leap.

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7 thoughts on “Sick or losing my mind?

  1. Put that number on speed-dial, Girlfriend! Hang in there, don’t hang up. I’m still storming heaven’s gates on your behalf and I send you happy, warm, and healing thoughts every day. It’s very normal for you to be experiencing headaches with the amount of emotional turmoil you’ve been experiencing. I know that you were emotionally deflated after you received the news last week, but I know that you CAN take joy in small victories; I’ve witnessed it. Getting to your keyboard today is a victory. Keeping us posted is a BIG WIN. Hugs from Texas, Darlin’. XOXOX M.

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  2. Prayers go up for you from New Mexico throughout the day & night…..hang in there & I know that things will work out for you. I’m sure that a lot of your physical stuff is from stress…..Hugs & prayers all the way for the right place to welcome you with open arms!

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