All at once

I finally got up the nerve to do my therapy homework of calling the nearby domestic violence organization to inquire about a safe place to stay. Unfortunately, they said their safe house is currently full, but really seemed to want to help. They even suggested I try calling again in a week. I hope I can last a week.

I have 2 other organizations to call that are a little further away and therefore less convenient, but what’s most important is that I get out. Friday was bad and it only seems to escalate more and more. I should be calling right now, but anxiety has me paralyzed. I’ll be leaving some possessions with my dearest friend this week which will be one less worry and she’ll be the one to drive me or get me to the train station when I get placement somewhere. I won’t be able to return here until I get a more permanent housing situation, so it’s important I don’t leave anything I may really need behind. There’s a lot more to pack when you have physical and medical needs! I have my friends at work thinking of things I may have missed or didn’t consider.

I’d like to be able to check in with Rabbi Moshen, do some reading and attend shul on Saturdays, but I have to get safe first. I haven’t shared any of this with Rabbi M. I don’t want to drop this in his lap, but I also don’t want him to think I’m not serious or unappreciative. My worries and anxiety (heart-pounding panic is more like it) are holding me back and it’s weighing on me. I pray I somehow wake up tomorrow so motivated that the worry won’t even matter. I need to find somewhere to live right now. It can’t wait, so what’s my problem? Why can’t I just make a call and ask for help?

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2 thoughts on “All at once

  1. I have fears of calling myself and I have my daughters pushing me to call and find out about low income housing for disabled and destitute people. It will take me weeks to make just one call and if it doesn’t help it will take a while to make another. I wish I could just pick up the phone. Of course if my dad passes I will only have 30 days to get out and that won’t allow for waiting lists or anything else so my son says I should call and be put on the lists if they are still open. The close them when they get too long and things are bad around here.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t be ashamed of calling. You are a very strong person, but everybody needs help now & then. There is no shame in admitting that you need help! Make the call!!! Hugs to you!

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