I finally got up the nerve to do my therapy homework of calling the nearby domestic violence organization to inquire about a safe place to stay. Unfortunately, they said their safe house is currently full, but really seemed to want to help. They even suggested I try calling again in a week. I hope I can last a week.
I have 2 other organizations to call that are a little further away and therefore less convenient, but what’s most important is that I get out. Friday was bad and it only seems to escalate more and more. I should be calling right now, but anxiety has me paralyzed. I’ll be leaving some possessions with my dearest friend this week which will be one less worry and she’ll be the one to drive me or get me to the train station when I get placement somewhere. I won’t be able to return here until I get a more permanent housing situation, so it’s important I don’t leave anything I may really need behind. There’s a lot more to pack when you have physical and medical needs! I have my friends at work thinking of things I may have missed or didn’t consider.
I’d like to be able to check in with Rabbi Moshen, do some reading and attend shul on Saturdays, but I have to get safe first. I haven’t shared any of this with Rabbi M. I don’t want to drop this in his lap, but I also don’t want him to think I’m not serious or unappreciative. My worries and anxiety (heart-pounding panic is more like it) are holding me back and it’s weighing on me. I pray I somehow wake up tomorrow so motivated that the worry won’t even matter. I need to find somewhere to live right now. It can’t wait, so what’s my problem? Why can’t I just make a call and ask for help?