I’m starting to think I’m not as good as I once thought at detecting subtle hints. Let’s face it, most people are too cowardly to just tell you straight up “get lost!” I kinda need things spelled out for me at times. I tend to take things at face value and not wonder what lies beneath unless intuition pops up and makes me take notice or even over analyze. I don’t typically question motives of others unless they clearly give me reason to.
What am I getting at here? Well, I’m a little sensitive to whether or not my presence is welcome. Unless you make it clear to me that I’m wanted, I’ll assume I’m not and move on to the next thing, whether it be a party, a meeting or your life! I’m not one to show up unannounced nor will I ask to be included. I assume that if I’m needed, I will be told directly, no guessing game. I suppose not everyone operates this way, but I do. You have to me direct with me. You know what they say about those who assume, afterall.
Therapy is included in this. After not getting a daily check in for several days, I’m under the assumption we’re not working together at present. I don’t express my needs easily or openly, so yes, anyone who knows me at all should know I sometimes require a damn written invitation! With things left up in the air and no mention of sessions, I haven’t gone to either of my standing appointments this week. I’ve e-mailed, but with responses mentioning nothing of my appointments, I took that also to back up my assumption that it’s called off.
I feel abandoned. It wouldn’t be the first time I was. I realize she can’t read my mind, but she should know by now that this is how I operate and I simply don’t know any other way. What about asking if we’re on? I feel my e-mails sufficiently covered that and with things at a standstill as far as housing, health, etc, maybe therapy is just going in circles over and over and my frustration is shared. I’m certainly not going to go where I’m not wanted. It took me many years to start to understand that humans back away when they’ve had enough of one person or another and maybe I just wasn’t seeing that. Like I said, subtlety will not get across to me only possibly confuse me more.
Would you assume the same? Am I completely off-base?