Nerves and waiting

I’m happy to say I have accomplished a lot of things on my to-do list in the last week. It’s a relief, but also creates more worries over those things working out. In particular, waiting for my medical records. I’m afraid I’ll have to call and fight to get them and then there’s our date with the police. I’m afraid how reading the records will affect me, so I’ve decided to open them with my therapist when they do arrive.

I did get some nerves calmed with a phone call this morning. A paralegal from NYLAG called to introduce herself and told me she’d be researching my case over the next few weeks and will be in touch when there’s something to report. The people I met with last week are following through. I’m cautiously hopeful!

My cousin was going to be driving alone to NJ to see relatives on Sunday and I offered my company for the trip there. I really wanted to catch up with her and see some other relatives I really enjoy being around. I was so stressed out. Travel anxiety is a big thing for me. New York City traffic is a horror and bridges and tunnels are involved to get off this island. I finally got myself psyched to go and set up a “travel kit” with things that could help keep me feeling calm and prepared. Unfortunately, there was a issue with my cousin’s car and it didn’t work out. I was disappointed, but still proud of myself for following through and being able to control my anxiety enough to go without hesitation.

I have several more things on my to-do list that are either awaiting completion or I haven’t done yet. I’m attempting to assign one per day to ensure I get everything done, but also not feel overwhelmed. Lists, schedules and lots of sticky notes have been my best way to keep everything straight and not forget anything. It has always helped my anxiety to have everything written down and kept on track.

As for the weird occurrence Friday night, it doesn’t seem real. At first I was fearful of what else I’d do whilst sleeping, now I’m just not sure what to think of it. It did undoubtedly happen, but I’m not ready to consider why. It’s a little to much for my already over burdened brain. My nerves are shot.


2 thoughts on “Nerves and waiting

  1. Good to hear from you & glad that you made the effort to get out of that house & go somewhere for enjoyment. Sorry it didn’t work out. Also, so glad that somebody is finally following through with promises!


  2. Thoughts are with you… you’re inspirational, seriously. Your fight is tough but you aren’t ever fighting alone. I love your blogs. They bring me hope and strength when I am too weak to blog myself. I still get email notifications about recent blogs. I read them when I am down. They seriously get me up again. You are one of them and I thank you for that. Glad someone is following through, and I hope this continues to be the source you need. I am also really proud of you getting past your anxiety and trucking through getting out and attempting to do something that gets you out of the house. I have panic anxiety and was without my meds this past week. I understand how hard it is. Everything is just so overwhelming…and threatening… despite our soured attempts we fight. Keep fighting, keep writing, you help me so much in my healing.


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