When to put yourself first


My niece and nephew are downstairs right now. I’ve only met my nephew once in these 8 months he’s been alive. I was at the hospital when my niece was born and got to meet her at less than one hour old! I’ll forever treasure that memory- seeing those big, beautiful eyes look right at me! That Spring, my sister-in-law asked me to be her first born’s Godmother. I was thrilled and accepted.

Sadly, as I’ve eluded to and mentioned in previous posts, my brother and sister-in-law have said some nasty things about me and treated me horribly, even while their daughter was in my care whilst they were working or out of town! I had grown so close to my niece and thought my SIL and I got along really well actually, so this was quite a shocker. My brother is a difficult person to deal with to start, but this was a whole different category of ugliness.

I’d love to be down there playing with them right now, but my current abdominal pain and my inability to play fake, given my mood as of late, are in the way. You don’t dare say the littlest thing or risk my brother flipping out and then freezing you out for months at a time. It’s bizarre. I can fake it with my SIL much more easily. She’s not terribly bright and what she says about me is of little consequence, but sadly it does keep my little sweeties away.

I refuse to pretend, fake, act censor my words, nor keep my harmless opinions to myself just to keep him from reacting. I could say how unbelievably cute the baby is (and he is!) and if he’s in a mood, he can turn that into a problem. Sighing, rolling his eyes, grumbling, stomping out of the room, etc. Clearly, he’s not unlike our mother in this way, but even less reasonable. And boy, does my mother react when he does this! Queenie doesn’t dare upset the prince!

Once I have housing I’ll likely see these children even less which really makes me sad. I leave the door open for my brother and his wife purely for the sake of their two beautiful children, but in any other situation, I would never bother to see the two of them at all. I feel for my niece. I wonder if she thinks I’ve forgotten her. She’s only 5, so she isn’t quite able to understand it (hell, I don’t understand It) but I always tell her how much I miss her, how I wish I could see her everyday and most of all, how I love her more than anyone in the whole wide world.

I pray that one day things will change and I’ll see them both regularly and be able to spoil them like only an auntie can! I’d do anything for them. For now, I just remind myself that I have to care for my own well-being first and worry about toxic people a lot less.



6 thoughts on “When to put yourself first

  1. It is always sad when it involves family, but much more when it involves children.
    No one ever sees how they are the ones who truly get punished.
    Hope things turn around at some point. Grudges are silly.

    My family is full of them… wonder if it’s a northern thing. You wouldn’t happen to be Italian, too? haha.


  2. It seems like every family has something like this going on. I only hope that someday your niece (especially) & your nephew get to know what an awesome Aunt they have!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I sure hope so. You know how much I adore my little princess! How she started calling me “mommy” in all the time I cared for her. It’s tough not even being able to mail her a card (she has told me she doesn’t get them which didn’t surprise me). I can’t believe hoe ugly my SIL turned!


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