My home life *

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This may be the hardest post for me to write, but after some comments on my last post, I feel it’s important you know the background. *For any relatives reading this, please refer to my post “TBH” before bitching me out for telling the truth.

Before the holidays, Adult Protective Services made a visit to my residence on a report of a cluttered, hoarderesque, unsafe, abusive household. Nothing came of it. In fact, their response was – “why did your doctor prescribe a wheelchair if they knew your living conditions?” WHAT?! My brain just malfunctioned because of the stupidity of that statement! Once again, the government blames the victim. Oh, and the “caseworker” apparently had a personal issue with me, because when she thought I had hung up on a call a few days later, she hadn’t yet hung up either. She was spewing racial slurs to her coworker about me as I listened! I wonder if it had been a different caseworker, would things have gone differently?

I’m not psychologically or physically safe in this house. I’ve reached out to my congressman, Steve Israel, with little action taken in the months since first contact. I’ve considered residential nursing care because I’m ultimately a prisoner in my bedroom and the regular ER visits show me the disease is progressing in large part because of where I live. Having been a victim of assault by a medical professional, this idea absolutely terrifies me. I feel like I’m at the mercy of the staff in such a place.

I love my parents and my dad is often helpful and has always been the one by my side in the ER. My mother has no role in my medical issues, disability or housing. Actually, she has threatened to make sure I don’t get housing if I tell me dad what she’s been up to. Worse, she threatens regularly to have me commited if I were to call 911 during one of their blow ups. I spoke with 2 Nassau cops I know. They said my dad could step in and they’d still take me in on a 72 hour hold if she said the slightest thing because that’s their policy. No buts about it. Have to cover their asses. My mother knows I was sexually assaulted by a nurse whilst voluntarily at Zucker Hillside. How can a mother threaten her child like that? For this and other ways she has recently conducted herself, I am sad to say I have lost all respect for her.

My dad has a temper. He can go from laughter to rage so suddenly and it still scares me as an adult. My bedroom door is still broken from him repeatedly slamming against it while I was sitting against it to try to keep it shut. The door was broken, I was bruised. He’d deny this, but a picture can’t be denied. This was only a few years ago. I was in my 20s, not a kid!

For years I kept this secret. Hell, I’d defend their actions and words at all costs. I grew up being taught you don’t talk about what goes on at home. It’s only now I realize how wrong that is and I refuse to live in denial. It is what it is. This is the truth and I hate that it is my reality. I’d do anything to change it, but I can’t. I still literally live with the constant reminder and it’s not over. It’s still happening.

Although I know what I say here is factual, I cringe typing it out because I’d like to believe I had a wonderful childhood and I hate that my parents do these things. I’m ashamed for me and for them.
Have I tried to get help for a domestic violence situation? YES! I have been turned away because it is not an “intimate partner violence” situation. My situation apparently doesn’t count. Again, I’m on my own.

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5 thoughts on “My home life *

  1. Oh, my dear, sweet friend….I am crying as I read this. My home life as a child (and young adult as I went to college) was so awesomely wonderful that I can’t imagine living in such a horrid situation! I just feel helpless that I can’t do anything to help you! Please know that you are loved & that things will get better!

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  2. Keep pushing the center to provide you with support. The dv center I attend finally agreed to let a girl in whose father was violent. Tell them that it IS domestic violence. How do they think women grow up to be vulnerable to abuse by a spouse–almost always in the family of origin!

    My father dismantled my door when I was 17 and refused to open it because he was mad at me…and it stayed off for months. The violation of my personal boundary had a lasting effect.

    I am so sorry. You don’t deserve this, but you can overcome it. Stay strong in your sense of self.

    Like

  3. Your voice is so important! Children of all ages can be affected by domestic violence! If it were people at a bar kicking in doors, involving police would be expected-it should be no less for violence in the home. I know what you’re saying about the DV center. Ours reached out to my close family members who were trying to help. So many victims don’t involve police. It just seems to invite more abuse and victim blaming.

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