Lack of interest

My pain has improved so that that I’m not currently looking to stab myself in the legs, so I have had to try to keep my mind busy. I woke up feeling hungover due to the increase in neuropathy medication, so reading is out. My vision is also blurry and my head still hurts, so that eliminates a lot of possible activities. I sorted laundry [that I’m unable to do] from bed and tried in vain to find paperwork I meant to complete in December, but my unexpected getaway caused me to misplace a lot of things and I’m only now getting back on track.

I missed therapy Monday due to pain and an inability to walk, but plan to make my Friday appointment. I have yet to even use my manual wheelchair yet, so at some point today, I’ll have to go make adjustments and get it set to go into the trunk of my dad’s car in as few pieces as possible. Oh, how I wish I could just use my power chair, but I couldn’t even get it out of this house without at least 2 burly men (or women), a portable ramp that can rake the weight and prayers that at the steep angle leaving my front door, no one let’s it tip and fall! It also doesn’t break down at all, not even the base is detachable, but if I *could* get it out of this house, I could take AbleRide with it. That would be so amazing!!

Anyway, I need to go to therapy. Yes, I’m stressed out from pain and upset that I’ve been called “hopeless” more than once this month, but I’m also really struggling with a lot, namely the PTSD symptoms and sudden grief that I mentioned in previous posts. I don’t know how to deal with one problem without neglecting another one. I can’t emotionally multitask, especially while in pain and not sleeping properly. I’m starting to feel even more helpless. Everything piles up and I don’t want to deal with it, so why would anyone else want to take that on?

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